Ep.#96-Establishing Rules

9/9/2015

In this episode Tariq talks about rules.

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13 Comments

Hors Sfier

9/9/2015 05:22:47 pm

Lmao. Based on recent comments, Ennis and Sotomayor picked up their marriage certificate from Kentucky.

I got to disagree with Tariq on that advice to the caller with the scholarship. Johns Hopkins University just moved up in the rankings. If that man has a scholarship, he should just go for it because a couple of years flies by quickly. Between Skype, Facetime, telecommuting. phone and school breaks, the man can see his wife often. He gets summers, winter breaks etc. And if he is really focused, he can get that degree done in less than two years. Grad school is great place to make contacts.

The DC metro area has a lot of black people who are potential contacts for breaking bread. He has his wife for life but that window is short for using that scholarship.

And if his wife is worth anything, she will know that her husband is putting in work. Women hold down drug dealers who are doing time. And this woman can't hold down her husband while he is building up business credibility? Yeah, I dissent on this one. A ride or die chick would still be there for him because he is building for the future.

Mr. Mitchell

9/11/2015 03:33:02 am

@Hors Sfier

You are ABSOLUTELY right! That man has to put his education first and foremost. No man should rely on anyone for support to the best of his ability. Eventually, I strongly suspect, his wife will lose respect for him should she be the main breadwinner. And what if their relationship fails? He will need insurance against such prospect...and that insurance is the scholarship!

The fact that he's questioning the use of the scholarship is very suspect. Anyone who would encourage me to not take adavantage of said scholarship would immediately be held suspect...even if it was my wife.

Hors Sfier

9/12/2015 08:40:45 pm

@Mr. Mitchell
For real. I get all that lovey dovey romance stuff but women nowadays don't really wait around for a black man to organize his finances.

The other thing the caller said is his academic program was covered at 60-70% through a scholarship. So I wonder if he had to ask his wife for the balance? Is that the real reason he called Tariq?

Bottom line love and marriage are beautiful but finances are a huge factor in divorce. Better that man get his money weight up.

Pretty Smile

9/10/2015 06:27:37 am

Tariq I absolutely appreciate your sound advice to the married guy about being stable, not competing with his wife, and also encouraging him to continue to BUILD with his wife! Sentiments like these are important for us in order to foster healthy relationships in the Black family :)

Hors Sfier

9/10/2015 07:18:32 am

I get what you are saying but wait until she starts clowning him for making less money. Realistically, women only respect men who are beyond them at a certain level. If she is the main breadwinner and he has no means of elevation, how long will her respect for him last?

It is not a competition. It is the reality of what is going on out there.

Pretty Smile

9/10/2015 08:06:45 am

I disagree with that because a marriage is supposed to be a partnership, where both people carry each other at some point. Whether it be financially, spiritually, physically,etc. Remember what you said about the woman supporting her man "if she is worth anything" and being "ride or die"...that same principal applies to a woman who continues to hold the fort down and respect her husband while he strives to better himself, regardless of the amount of money he makes. A woman who can't do that is not ready for marriage. Each wife that I know (grandmothers, mom, sister, aunts, friends) have all had a time in their marriage where they had to carry some of the weight. Of course (since the men in m family believe in providing) these periods didn't last too long, but they did experience them. The reality is that there are way too many black men and women who often buy into the materialistic paradigm of "love/marriage" , and they forget or disregard the work and effort it takes to build TOGETHER. The most successful marriages are accomplished by BOTH parties stepping in and nurturing the union while helping their spouses become their best selves.

musonius

9/10/2015 05:39:15 pm

100% agree with you on this one. Generally I with what Tariq says but i simply can't cosign this. A woman should never be the center of your life, only an accessoire i.e. she can come along for the the ride but never in the drivers seat. Family life has definitely changed you Tariq. This advise is something you would never have given in your mack lessons days.

Mr. Jon

9/10/2015 06:35:31 pm

@Musonius

No, old school Tariq (circa 2008) would NOT give that advice, but to be fair he did say a man reinvents himself every 7 years.

I also disagree with that as well. We need to focus on LONG TERM investments. John Hopkins is an extremely reputable University. TRUST me, where there is a will there is a way.

I am speaking from experience here... trust me.

BoomerGal

9/16/2015 11:13:04 am

Right on, Hors! Money is the most common issue/reason for divorces followed by infidelity. Furthermore, I would not want to be the object of his resentment which will most certainly follow, maybe not now but surely in the future. He's a fool, if he let's this opportunity slip by cause guess what? If she had that opportunity, bet money, she'd take it!

MCD/ Dayton,OHIO

9/10/2015 02:35:51 pm

Well here's a little story i got to tell about one bad brother i knew so well some dude's kidnapped his wife and held her for a 50,000 ransom he paid up, i don't think she would have done the same for him.The caller has to be on some hustlein shit till he finish the school.no drank no smoke he should go. bru should be well trained by now.last point these dam schools i threw my children to the wolfs your going to use that tool between your shoulders one day.there aint no competition.mom and dad not going to be around always.

@ Horse

9/15/2015 01:31:12 am

This Horse guy spends too much time on here. I can tell he doesn't have a stable relationship with a woman.

@Pretty Smile

You are right. Check look at cultures where the divorce is very low and ask your self if things should be a competition. One example is Orthdox Jews.

Hors Sfier

9/16/2015 01:24:31 pm

@BoomerGal
Yes! Not to put anyone woman down. And no disrespect to the institution of marriage, especially for black couples but those money concerns are real. Once that honeymoon is over and those utility bills start coming in, you are in a whole different ball game. Women need and want security and protection.
Money will get you a lot of each.

If the man was ambitious, he could study extra hard and maybe compress the degree program's schedule, but to forego the experience when he does not have a backup seems short sighted.

One of my cousins got married recently. Every time I saw his wife with him she was the most loving wife on the planet. But when his job situation became unstable due to health problems, he told me all kinds of crazy and reckless things were coming out of her mouth.
She was challenging his manhood, telling him he was slacking, even though his life was in jeopardy working his day job! That financial uncertainty will make anyone odd, especially a wife.

Mr. Jon

9/17/2015 03:22:09 pm

How long were they together before he married? No offense, but she sounds like a cold bitch! Sure, most women want security and it makes them respect a man more, but a woman should STILL support her man when he's at his lowest.

Ep.#96-Establishing Rules

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